Don’t like that possession time (57% Germany), but our guys look decent.

Hey, a heart attack or two in the 45th minute never hurt anyone…

The topic isn’t Iraq, however, or Afghanistan or perhaps a half-dozen other clandestine wars being fought by the Arbusto clan. No, i write of something smaller, though no less idiotically evil and covered by the press with such humorously paranoid headlines.

Today’s post: a few notes about Poland’s lovely hooligans.

The Sunday Mirror of a couple of weeks ago was this writer’s favorite thus far by far. Under the screaming headline POLISH SOCCER THUGS WORLD CUP THREAT runs the clever statement “We’ll hunt England fans and attack them with meat cleavers.”
Whether title of or quote within the story, you gotta love colorful mode of expression…

Reads the piece: “German police have uncovered plans for a month of drug-fuelled violence by Polish hooligans during the tournament in June.” Meanwhile, British bobbies fear for the well-being of “travelling England fans,” whom they see as targets for the Poles.

Writers Bob Graham and Justin Penrose defend the Empire, however, ensuring the public know that England actually houses the world’s “worst hooligans.” And with zest and details, they report that “Polish hooligans will be carrying knives, axes, meat cleavers, baseball bats and three foot-long rubber truncheons filled with sand.”

The most brilliant bit? From the Mirror:

A hooligan league has been set up to find out who is the “best of the worst” by European thugs who are in daily contact by text, internet and mobile phone. Many of them are linked to organised crime and admit to taking drugs before fights.

Give a monkey an ADSL connection…

(Hey, can money be made on this? Can we make a fantasy league or something?)

Alongside the Brits and Poles, you’ve got to like the hometown Germans’ chances are well. They know the pitch, they know the towns, their active minds are just as small.

In a desperate bid to bring their story back within the realm of political correctness, Graham and Penrose then begin painting tender pictures of Polish hooligans. One Grzegorz Piatkowski gets a fair number of column inches with quotes like:

“I see … the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war…”

O, sorry. That’s Fight Club. Piatkowski actually says:

“After every game there is fighting,” he said. “It is part of the game, it is something we enjoy. It makes us all feel closer, we stand beside one another and we fight with our friends because it makes us stronger. We hate the fans from other clubs, just as they hate us, that’s why we fight – to hurt each other.”
In the piece, police inspector Zbigniew Matwiej, clearly the victim of half-ass translation, said: “We know there are many hooligans, perhaps 500 who are very active and aggressive, with another 1,500 to 2,000 who are really bad. And there are many, many more who take part.”

Again sounding like a true officer of the law, Matwiej went on to pass the buck: “At the moment there’s nothing we can do. This is not for the police, it is for the government and the justice department.”

Not for the police, eh? Well, in a pre-Cup matchup recently, some fifty-four cops fell at the hands of the hooligans, including thirty hospitalized. That story is here, complete with another lovely (doubtlessly perceived as “witty”) British newspaper headline.

Meanwhile, over at another bastion of the marvels of “free press,” The Times Online, The “Polish hooligan army” plans “to invade World Cup.”

Jumping right into the sensationalism, Roger Boyes makes sure that all know neo-Nazis are leading the “hard core of violent Polish fans.” In addition to mentioning those terrible Brit hooligans, Boyes also gets in mention of the Dutch as bad boys.

And then Boyes lets himself get lost in purple prose as he describes the subject of his interview:
“It will be the battle for Berlin,” Andrzej said, with a crooked, toothy grin. Clasping a can of beer and singing obscene anthems, he is one of the estimated 250,000 Polish supporters who will be travelling to Germany next month, with or without a ticket.

“Only about five per cent of the fan community are really hooligans,” Poznan supporter club head Jaroslaw Kilinski is hilariously quoted as saying. “The Germans are exaggerating the problem.” Now, wait. What does Kilinski mean here? When he says “only about five percent,” how does he get that figure? And does that “only” indicate his disappointment? Are there others who are just pretend hooligans, as opposed to those who are “really” hooligans?

Naturally, since this is a sports story, this must be statistics. Calling up the calculator function on his laptop, Boyes figures that:

… 5 per cent of 250,000 adds up to more than 12,000 thugs, enough to change the balance of the hooligan problem during the World Cup. By comparison, 100,000 England fans are expected, with more than 3,000 forced to stay at home under banning orders.

And finally, not to be outdone by any English-language media paranoia-stirring, the Germans are also getting into the act. Fox, long since known for sober reportage and helping swing the 2000 U.S. presidential election, made sure to give prominence to an AP report informing a country that is mostly lacking in direct experience with hooligans (hey, they’ve got guns over there) that:

Respected German TV station ZDF has an article about Polish hooligans psyching themselves up for weeks by screaming slogans like “Revenge for WWII” or “blood to the Germans.” Thousands plan to cross the border to Germany, the report states, with only about 500 identifiable by police.

And msnbc online referenced a story from last November in which “30 Germans and 55 Poles were arrested after a brawl in a forest near the countries’ border.”

In the forest? What are these guys, ewoks?

I have to tell you, i love this sort of news reporting. If anyone digs up anything on foreign reportage of hooliganism, please send it this way.

As for the hooligans themselves, yeah, i read Fever Pitch and ostensibly they’re actual real people sometimes blah blah blah, but come on. Isn’t there anything better these warmongering no-lifers could be doing? Maybe the powers-that-be should ship these guys out wholesale to, o, i don’t know, maybe some disputed land in the Middle East or something…

Poor Jerzy Dudek. First, Liverpool relegated him to collect dust on the sidelines. Then Polska’s immortal goalie Jan Tomaszewski questioned Dudek’s testosterone count. And now this…The goalkeeper isn’t even going to keep the bench warm in Germany next month (as has been the 33-year-old’s typical station in Liverpool this season); instead, he’ll be checking out the matches safe at home.

Though media has called the absence of Dudek a “shock omission,” it ain’t necessarily so. With five genuine keepers contending for three spots, it had long been suspected that enthusiastic homeland favorite 21-year-old Lukas Fabianski (Legia Warsaw) would earn his first honest-to-Pele cap (Fabianski has appeared in two friendlies at the national level) with Coach Janas’ team. Plus, there’s always Dudek’s “performance” in the last Cup to remind Janas’ detractors.

Other “notable omissions” include the three Tomaszes: striker Frankowski (Wolverhampton), former team captain Klos and top scorer Rzasa. Substituted for these guys were Pawel Brozek (one of four team members from Wisla Krakow), Dariusz Dudka (Wisla Krakow) and Piotr Giza (Cracovia).

Clearly, Janas is trying to shake up the team a little; good on him, too. Last year’s embarrassment in the Cup was often blamed on the complacency (and, in some cases, sheer age) of that team’s veterans. Janas has infused a few kielbasas’ worth of newbies into the scheme in an effort to mold this team to his liking. Indeed, former national teamer and Celtic player Dariusz Dziekanowski stated to Reuters that Polish citizens were “shocked,” saying that perhaps it was “a good thing that Janas is stamping his authority on the team … the trainer has to take responsibility and he is certainly taking it.”

One particular advantage/disadvantage to pay attention to is the relatively unknown quality of most of Team Poland’s roster. Just check out the defenders. After Dudka are Marcin Baszczynski, Michal Zewlakow, Jacek Bak, Seweryn Gancarczyk, Mariusz Jop and Mariusz Lewandowski. Baszczynski plays for Wisla Krakow, Zewlakow for Anderlecht in Belgium. The others play in leagues in Qatar, Ukraine, Russia and Ukraine, respectively. Few spectators will go in with much hard currency on these guys.

Janas, meanwhile, conservatively played a media speculative about other shifts the coach would make: “I am not ruling anything out at this point. We still have almost four weeks until the first game. This squad has some youth, some experience and hopefully we can make a strong team from it starting now.”

And somewhere Dudek still sits in shock at what has transpired…

Complete List

Goalkeepers: Artur Boruc (Celtic), Tomasz Kuszczak (West Bromwich Albion), Lukasz Fabianski (Legia Warsaw)

Defenders: Jacek Bak (Al Rayan), Mariusz Jop (FK Moscow), Michal Zewlakow (Anderlecht), Marcin Baszczynski (Wisla Krakow), Seweryn Gancarczyk (Metallist Charkow), Mariusz Lewandowski (Shakhtar Donetsk), Dariusz Dudka (Wisla Krakow)

Midfielders: Jacek Krzynowek (Bayer Leverkusen), Miroslaw Szymkowiak (Trabzonspor), Radoslaw Sobolewski (Wisla Krakow), Euzebiusz Smolarek (Borussia Dortmund), Kamil Kosowski (Southampton), Arkadiusz Radomski (Austria Vienna), Sebastian Mila (Austria Vienna), Damian Gorawski (FK Moscow), Piotr Giza (Cracovia).

Forwards: Maciej Zurawski (Celtic), Grzegorz Rasiak (Southampton), Pawel Brozek (Wisla Krakow), Ireneusz Jelen (Wisla Plock).

Okay, let’s face it, aside from a couple of newbies and the continuation of what might be called a “goalkeeper controversy,” there’s little to hype up about tonight’s match against Lithuania (FIFA-ranked a neat #99 between Iceland and Cyprus).

The Poland squad is bogged down with second stringers, mostly due to private clubs’ unwillingness to part with key players. (We can only hope that more on-loaners will be on the pitch for Polska when the Faroe Islands guys come to Wronki on the 14th.)

As for the debut players, defender Seweryn Gancarczyk (Metalist Kharkiv) and midfielder Grzegorz Bronowicki (Legia Warsaw) have been named to the squad.

A closer look will most likely be given to the King of Cyprus Lukasz Sosin (Apollon Limassol FC) and Marcin Kus (Queens Park Rangers), both of whom have been impressive in league and national play; Sosin in fact was a human highlight reel in the friendly against Saudi Arabia on 29 March, forcing Coach Janas to sit up and take notice while the striker found the back of the net twice in the 2-1 victory.

The newest chapter in the continuing saga of Poland’s five goalkeepers (not including Zbigniew Malkowski of Hibs, who has been given no chance to be named to the squad) will at least be scribbled in tonight. Jerzy Dudek (Liverpool) and 21-year-old Lukasz Fabianski (Legia Warsaw) will most likely both see playing time tonight, as Janas hopes to whittle down his options.

Also competing for three spots on the World Cup roster are Artur Boruc (Celtic), who seems a lock to be named starter; Tomasz Kuszczak (West Bromwich Albion), a 24-year-old rising steadily in the ranks; and Wojciech Kowalewski (Spartak Moscow), who seems to be an early choice of Team Polska goalkeeper trainer Jacek Kazimierski. Kazimierski promises to visit Moscow to give Kowalewski a good long look-see.

A brief look at the goalkeeper situation with lots of quotes by Kazimierski is available at todayonline.com. Did i say brief? It’s really brief, which makes this serious dis from the immortal Jan Tomaszewski all the more breathtaking:

“Jerzy Dudek should act like a man and give up all thought of being on the national squad.”

Whoa.

(If you check out the link on his name, though, you’ll see that PlanetWorldCup.com slaps Tomaszewski a little instant karma with that lovely shot of him digging at one nostril, probably a non-too-easy chore with the gloves on.)

Having watched Dudek in goal for the last Cup, i might be inclined to agree…if i want flashbacks, i’ll drop more LSD.

The Team Poland squad tonight will consist of:

Goalkeepers: Jerzy Dudek (Liverpool), Lukasz Fabianski (Legia Warsaw).

Defenders: Marcin Kus (Queens Park Rangers), Mariusz Jop (FK Moskwa), Mariusz Lewandowski (Shachtar Donietsk), Seweryn Gancarczyk (Metallist Charkow), Marcin Baszczynski (Wisla Krakow), Bartosz Bosacki (Lech Poznan).

Midfielders: Miroslaw Szymkowiak (Trabzonspor), Sebastian Mila (Austria Wieden), Kamil Kosowski (Southampton), Radoslaw Sobolewski (Wisla Krakow), Grzegorz Bronowicki (Legia Warsaw).

Forwards: Tomasz Frankowski (Wolverhampton Wanderers), Lukasz Sosin (Apollon Limassol), Grzegorz Rasiak (Southampton).

More soon.

And i can pick a few outlandish upsets and, and, if i get any of them right, they’ll think i’m a genius, yeah…and maybe i’ll get a €uro-paying job with FIFA and…

Whoa.

Anyway, i have a few minutes and i’ve been wanting to do this for a while now, so i’m going to, in the words of Monty Python, put my head on the chopping block so you can kick it around a little bit. The following World Cup predictions are subject to change with announcements of final rosters and contain more than a pinch of fantastical thinking and perhaps even favoritism. Void where prohibited.

Coming out of group play, i have Germany and Poland; England and Sweden; Netherlands and Serbia & Montenegro; Portugal and Mexico; the USA and Italy; Brazil and Croatia; South Korea and France; Spain and Tunisia. Yes, these are listed in order of finish. And in Group A, i’ll go so far as to say that Germany and Poland both go 2-0-1, with Deutschland taking the tiebreaker.

Gone are Argentina, the Czech Republic, Switzerland and Trinidad & Tobago; look, some teams are going to be bounced early. I’m a bit tentative about including underachievers like Spain, but they’ve got to come through some day, haven’t they? Team USA is my choice as surprise team of the tournament, and i’ll justify my no. 2 seeding for Italy based on their recent history of laissez-faire play allowing them just enough room to squeak by. My favorite example of this fenomeno was in World Cup 1994. In their last match of group play, Team Italia managed a 1-1 draw against Mexico, throwing the quartet into a four-way tie at 1-1-1. By dint of a labyrinth of tiebreakers, Italy limped into tournament play as third seed in the group. Brazil beat them in the finals that year. As for South Korea, home pitch or no, these guys have arrived on the international scene.

In the sweet sixteen, i’ll take Germany over Sweden; Netherlands over Mexico; Poland over England when Becks boots a penalty kick wide and wells up in tears when the final whistle blows; Portugal over Serbia & Montenegro; USA over Croatia as the yanks continue their amazing run; South Korea over Tunisia; Brazil over Italy in an instant classic; and France, fueled by Zidane’s sheer willpower, over Spain.

And then there were eight, until there were four: Germany over Netherlands; USA over South Korea, attaining a measure of revenge in a brilliant rematch of Cup 2002 groupmates; Poland over Portugal – o yes, it could happen; and Brazil over France.

Frozen. I’m considering the implications of the final four i’ve chosen. I’d be pretty confident taking Germany over the USA. But dare i go down as choosing Poland over Brazil? Even accepting this audaciousness, with a final of Germany against Poland, how can i go against the three-time champions with home field advantage?

Would Soccer Bob revoke my poetic license?

Polska lost to West Germany in a heartbreaking 1-0 loss in 1974 in a soggy hard-fought game media played up as another round of the plucky underdog German vs. the commies. (cf. the Hungary-West Germany final in 1954.)

In fact, the Reuters piece hits high hilarity when summarizing the, ahem, relationship between Poland and Germany the nations. The sports stuff, you guys can read. But this really should be posted here. It’s the funniest thing you’ll see in this blog, i’m sure:

Poland’s post-war generation grew up deeply suspicious of their western neighbours, whose World War Two occupation left one-fifth of its 30 million population dead, millions more homeless or exiled and the capital Warsaw razed to the ground.

The animosity faded in recent years, however, as thousands went to Germany to work or study and Berlin backed Poland’s European Union (EU) membership ambitions.

Now that’s succinct journalism. And in a sports article! Next, Reuters will summarize the history of the Hapsburg Empire and the effects of its dissolution on pre-World War II Europe in sixty words or less, and stick in a wire story about the Austrian national ski team…

Oops. Got off on a rant there. Good piece, really (at least the stuff about the team).

In this entry, a flashback to World Cup 1982.

World Cup España in 1982 would mark the last occasion for Grzegorz Lato to represent the red and white in high-level competition; indeed, the Cup represented a sort of homecoming for Lato, as he’d been playing for Lokeren in Belgium since the commies had issued him a visa in 1980.

The presence of Gorski’s Eagles was slowly dissolving by 1982, and only Lato, Szarmach, Kusto and Zmuda remained from the ’74 squad. However, Team Polska was an exciting mix of, as a sportswriter cliché goes, grizzled veterans and upstart youngsters. This was soon to be Zibi’s team and the Cup the 26-year-old’s time to shine. Poland was in fact a pre-tourney favorite to go far.

World Cup España also featured a new format for the tournament, with both an expansion to the overall pool to twenty-four and of the second group round to twelve.

Poland won a spot in Group A, placing them with Italy, Cameroon and Peru. As often appears to be the case historically, Team Poland started s-l-o-o-o-w-l-y. On day two of the tournament, Poland’s aging strikers seemed to be showing their, um, seasoning with a limp 0-0 draw against Team Italia. Nevertheless, the Polska D had to have been happy about holding Paolo Rossi and his boy scoreless, the only time the eventual champion Italians were to be shut out during the entire tournament. The Italy game was followed by an inexplicable 0-0 draw with Cameroon.

Everyone either awaited a Poland goal explosion or was ready to write the squad off as too dependent on their aging stars. The latter came. A torrent of goals rained on Peru to close out Polish group play with a 5-1 onslaught. Five different Poles scored including Smolarek, Zibi and Lato, in what would be his final World Cup goal. Lato also had one assist and Zibi added two. Thanks to weak play by Italy (their first round results consisted three draws), Poland won the group.

Then came one for the ages. In one of the most impressive one-man shows in Cup history, Zibi netted a hat trick against Belgium in the first game of Group 1 play, accounting for all three goals in the 3-0 victory. Zibi would be key, too, in the following match against the Soviet Union, but not in positive fashion. In the midst of the tense scoreless draw, Zibi was yellow carded for the second time and thus had to sit and watch the following match.

And then the streaking Poles were stopped. The opponent was once again Italy, winners of Group 3 and eliminators of Brazil. This would be no rematch of the first meeting, though, as the adaptable Italians were not to be stymied. Rossi ran the shagged-out Poland ragged, scoring in minutes 22 and 72 in a reportedly easy 2-0 win.

Team Polska saved some face in the third-place game, feeling freewheeling enough to beat France 3-2 in a game that featured about ten minutes of absolute dominance by the Poles surrounding the halftime break.