Smolarek on Loan to Beckham’s Squad

Would you believe Euzebiusz Smolarek has been placed on a roster with Ronaldinho, Beckham, Henry, Roberto Carlos, Fernando Torres and Rafael van der Vaart? Only in EA Sports, you say?

On the contrary: Every word is true, and the players will be assembled well before the World Cup.

Pepsi Cola General Bottlers has named Ebi to their prestigious fictional squad for 2006 due to the kickass season the midfielder is having for Borrussia Dortmund. Pepsi has agreed to put Smolarek’s mug on a limited run of their cans, while Smolarek has agreed to put Pepsi’s, um, interesting-looking uniform on his back.

The schedule has not been set for this year, but whoever faces off against the dream team in the incessant run of commercials had better take note of the thrashing given those medieval dudes last year by Becks and the boys.

There’s no telling how the apparent departures of Totti and Raul will affect the team, but with this much firepower it appears that one, perhaps two teams in the world can stop them, both of them are in America, and no intention of scheduling a friendly has been announced.

In a press conference, Pepsi representatives welcomed the Polish star to the team. Ebi then made the highly controversial statement regarding his selection: “To find yourself in a position among such football stars is a great experience. I am often in a situation in which I face them as my rivals in an opposite team. However this time I can play with them in one squad. Pepsi created a dream team and it is a great feeling to be among the best players in the world.”

A follow-up statement by Pepsi Polska marketing director Andrzej Chmiel proved to be just as substantive as the product he helps hock: “We chose Ebi, because he is a great player and a great example of Pepsi’s motto “Dare for more.” Although he has already achieved a lot, he still craves more. He sets his goals high and still wants more and more.”

It is suspected that far too much national anthem will be performed before the kickoff of Team Pepsi appearances by the man chosen as the company’s dream crooner. Though his appearances have been limited to Australia, the world will doubtlessly soon get a taste of … ah, why ruin the wonderful surprise for non-Aussies?

Bookmakers’ odds on Team Pepsi’s success are not yet set, but bringing down this undefeated eleven will surely be no small feat. The smart money is on Ebi and his mates.