Highlights (Yeah, Right) of World Cup 2002

While searching for entertainment for my seven-month-old Zsuzsa and myself last daddy-daughter day, i happened upon my “Official Review of the 2002 FIFA World Cup” DVD. Zsuzsa loves football, really. A big fan. (Of course, i’m also convinced she’s a big fan of my legendary San Antonio Desperadoes in Madden NFL football.)

Naturally, i was most interested in the highlights the DVD might offer Team Polska fans. I recalled, of course, that Poland had gone out like chumps early in 2002, but how often do i have an excuse (wait, two excuses – Zsuzsa loves the stuff, remember…) to break out the highlight DVD? And can anything be gleaned that might prove relevant in this year’s Cup?

Well, the main thing i learned is that Jerzy Dudek scares me. As far as highlights in Poland matches, there were plenty – for the opposing sides. And finally, if you’d like to stay optimistic about Team Poland chances in this Cup, never watch a video like “Official Review of the 2002 FIFA World Cup.”

In their first match, Team Poland went up against host South Korea in Pusan, a thankless situation to say the least. Nevertheless, here’s a group of guys who had never won a match at this level. You never would have known. The South Koreans played with their characteristic high-energy game and the older Polish squad looked simply tired. Poland’s hero goalkeeper could do little more than watch as his defense repeatedly showed little more than porosity. Still. While Hwang Sun-Hong’s 26th minute goal was a bit of a stunner (with super slo-mo, you can actually see Dudek’s eyes slowly goggle as he realizes exactly what is happening), the goalkeeper was badly taken in by Yoo Sang-Chul’s feint and still managed to get both hands the subsequent shot in the 53rd to no avail. O, and in the course of the 2-0 loss, striker Maciej Zurawski was pulled after the first half due to general ineffectiveness. Come on, dude(k).

At around 34:20 into the DVD, the “Official Review” became the “Official Pedro Pauleta Highlight Film,” also known as the Portugal-Poland match. Real quick now, ‘cause damn, so’s the game clip: Pauleta from the near-post, and Dudek gets a hand on the shot; Pauleta on a pass from Figo, catching Dudek out of position; Pauleta dribbling through what narrator Paul Dempsey dubs a “flat-footed and bemused” defense, and Dudek gets a foot on the ball. A fourth goal was added to ensure that “Polish misery was complete.” Now certainly, no one non-participant can be blamed for this embarrassment, but a couple of words apply nicely: Bogus, dude(k).

Something bizarre happened during our enjoyment of the third Team Poland game. As Portugal-South Korea plays flashed before us, i was suddenly back there, in the past, in 2002. I remember pounding brews in anticipation of the Poland-U.S. game, taking bets on Team USA like never before. I was taking straight-up victories. I was taking two-goal victories. After all, the red white and blues had played well enough to look convincing, whereas Poland was a dead duck. Easy money, i figured. Famous last words…

Dempsey’s clipped tones reflect the fact that he still didn’t believe what had transpired: Team Poland, thus far more than 180 minutes of perfectly scoreless ball, found the back of the net twice in the match’s first five minutes. Four years ago, i’d already sobered up enough to begin cursing my home team for their brazen unpredictability and Brad Friedel for not being the Kahn-like figure the US needed. Playing with poise and coolness, Team Poland held their lead solidly, and Marcin Zewlakow scored in the 66th. Landon Donovan added a goal in garbage time for a 3-1 final score. Dude(k), where’s my money?

Call me paranoid, but i’m suddenly not as high on the Dude anymore. Seven goals? Tunisia and Paraguay allowed fewer. Given that third game in 2002, someone should tell our guys that the tournament’s over before Cup 2006 opens, and that Poland’s already been eliminated. Four cool, calm and collected matches later, and bam, Team Poland’s final eight.

Zsuzsa’s verdict? After the Zewlakow goal, she said something to the effect of “Aaaaaaa, gwaaaaaah” before cramming a large purple block into her mouth, no doubt a similar reaction to those of many Team Poland fans in 2002. I think she wants me to go back to Madden now.